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[wrackful]

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murphy

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[wrackful]

Yeah, I've had a whole load of avalanches try to crush me, and I'm still here. I'll be fine.

[His own pause, long. He's never really shared anything of what he and Danny are with anyone. He's kept it tucked in close. Called it no one else's business, called it keeping it safe. But the truth is he's never had the space for it, even with the people who might understand.

Now, for once, it feels like he does. But the first piece is this: failure.]

I know he's not there right now. Inside. I don't know how make it better. Usually just wait it out. That probably makes me a pretty crappy brother, huh?

But if you need me to do anything, for you, just say.

[temporicide]

There are things we can't fix, I keep telling myself. [ At least not without making a lot of other things much worse in the process. ] It doesn't make us bad, I don't think. Not you or me or anybody but the person who makes stocks and cages.
It protects him, when he goes out of his head. That's what it's for, I guess, that ability. But it's hurting himself to keep another part of himself safe.

I'm just
I am glad to not be by myself. I'm glad we share the space. I hate being alone but being with somebody who didn't understand how fucked every piece of this is would be worse than being alone, so I'm glad for that, too, that we both know how ugly it is.
I will tell you if I need something. But only if you do the same, OK?

[wrackful]

[He has to sit with it, for a minute. What she says about Danny, what she says about him. The way she seems to see and understand so quickly, so easily, when trying to be understood by others was a constant fight, rarely worth the effort. He wonders how it can feel like both at the same time: that he's known her for only days, and known her for years.]

I'm not great at knowing when I need something. Or knowing what I need. But yeah, I'll try.

I'm glad, too. We're going to get through this. All of us. We're going to be okay.