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[wrackful]

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murphy

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@blackrock00

[temporicide]

So you know
I'm not voting for Devon. I'll tell the others next

Can you please tell me I'm not fucking up by doing this.
Unless it's lying. Then tell me I'm fucking up.

[wrackful]

Depends what you don't want to be fucking up.

[A beat, two, because he's really fucking tired. But that isn't Roza's fault, so:]

Look, I'm not going to pretend Jem isn't right that filling the second cage will keep him out of it. But the only reason I'm ever putting anyone in a cage is because I have to.

What you do is your choice. Don't listen to her, me, or Danny. Just listen to you.

[temporicide]

OK. OK, you're right
It's not because he's telling me what to do. But he has to want it. He has to want to be where we are more than to be in the cage. So all I can do is try and make a life where he might want that one day.

And for the record, I'm not saying I'm glad you're here in this big beige-brown cult commune
But I'm glad you came, too. That you're part of us all.

[wrackful]

I don't know if he knows how to want things like that. I mean, I think he does want to be where we are, but... You forget how, when what you want never matters. Or always gets used as another way to screw with you.

[She probably knows all of this already. He's probably making it about him again, like Jem said, and he didn't actually know anything about Danny at all. Just Void psychosis and a borrowed organ in his chest.]

Pretty sure all I've done since I got here is mess crap up, but thanks.

[temporicide]

I think I want to show him. But that's another day. It's so many steps, isn't it? Becoming
I know what it is to not want to be a real person anymore.
But I am writing a better fate. A future.

[ But now, narrowing in on that last section of text: ]

What have you done that was so messed up? That was your choice? That you wanted, that you really decided on?

[wrackful]

[Sometimes she says things that remind him so much of Gilia that it hurts. And he knows what she's getting at, even has half a fogged-through memory of having the same conversation with her, before. But:]

I really decided on replying to Jem.

[temporicide]

Maybe that went badly
OK, yeah, it did go badly, but I think putting that on your own shoulders alone is unfair to yourself. Nobody made her say those things, either. I've done it before, too, in fights, believe me. If I saw my middle sister right now
I don't know what she'd say to me.

You guys have a long history together, and when things are horrible, like they are right now, it makes things bubble up

[wrackful]

Yeah, see, that was normal for me and Jem. It's the rest of the time that's the fluke.

[temporicide]

Do you think it's changeable?
If you wanted to change it.

[wrackful]

We've tried. A few times. Last month I had her initial on my chest and her mind in my head. But we always end up back here.

What's the saying? Revert to type.